Ugh!

I just had one of those days. Had no sleep, I'm tired and cranky, my husband came home sick today and found out he has to work on my birthday. I was really excited, for years, my husband worked retail and was never able to get my birthday off because it is two days before July 4^th. This year he has a new job and has weekends off, so that means, my birthday off. Yay! Without getting into what happened, that dream was crushed this year.

I find myself in my f*ck it mode. I am so tired of pretending things are alright, when all I want to do is hide in bed and cry. I just want to give everything up, pack up my family and necessities and move. Just start over. Fear of not making it stops me.

Can you really be happy living with the f*ck it attitude? Can you make it through life with a Coke and a smile? Should I try...again? Money isn't everything. Stuff is just stuff. Do I want to barely make it? I don't know. All I know is I am tired of waiting for things to be better. I usually try and find good things out of bad situations, but I just don't see it. I hate seeing the ones I love unhappy. It makes it difficult for me to be happy.

I guess there is one good thing that comes out of this. It makes me angry and it makes me fight. I fight for what I know is right. You push me or my loved ones and I tend to push back. That is my drive. The boxing gloves are on and I'm going to come out swinging.

Writing this changed my attitude. I went from a f*ck it attitude to a f*ck you attitude. HaHa, it took writing things down to help. That's a good thing. My head is cleared and now my mind is working again. Thanks for listening.